I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
