dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
