He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
