He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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