An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
