I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
