hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
