Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
