Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
