I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
