if i can run in heels then i can drive
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
