it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
