Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
