they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
