She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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