I'm going to jail i love you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
