I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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