About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
