very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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