glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
