Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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