it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
