You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
