somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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