You work out of a Hotel?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
