I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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