from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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