Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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