he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
