I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
