im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just had sex bonerless
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
