At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
false alarm, still single
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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