how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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