True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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