So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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