OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
