I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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