sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
