I wish my penis had an off switch
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just want nice things and good sex
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
