I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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