haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
