She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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