just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
