3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You pole danced in your parka.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
