Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
