wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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