please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
