There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
