My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
