dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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