In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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