Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
whose parrot is this?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
