so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
