wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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