never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
MIDGETS
????
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
