i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
