420 ftw
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
