I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
