Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
