drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize