Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
