I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
