just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize