Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
