it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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