She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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