her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
