New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
