I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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